~Blink~

Today, while at work, I was scanning through photos on my family blog and from the picasa website where the Goldlust Family posts all of our photos. I realized that the most simple memories can remind me of things I may have forgotten. How wonderful to remind myself and others little events that made such a beautiful life, my sweet baby son. I think of those memories and each memory appears as if it was a photograph caught in time. This blog (as all other blogs) are dedicated to my son, but more specifically, how he came to be in this life.

Blink.

I thought about the first time someone asked me what I wanted to be in life. I simply replied "A Mother". I knew at a very very young age how importance the vocation of motherhood was and knew that I wanted to partake in it.

Blink.

I was a saver. I always stashed money away at each time I received my allowance or got money for a birthday. One day my parents found out I had $1200 in cash at the age of 11. They asked me what I wanted to do with it. I said, "Save it for my children's education".

Blink.

The first time I met my beloved husband and Ben's father, we were both teenager in high school. I didn't care for him at the time, but I remembered him more so then my other boyfriend's friends at the time. He handed me a simple present, a McDonald's toy. I wish I still had it. My boyfriend at the time chucked it across the parking lot.

Blink

September 11, 2001. I remember being angry at James for calling my house and trying to get my boyfriend to come outside. I remember hugging him in saying I was sorry for being so cross. I remember the feel of his arms, the smell of his motorcycle jacket and the already loving embrace he gave me. He didn't now I would someday be his wife...

Blink
September 11, 2001. I remember someone asking me how many kids I wanted. I said a dozen. My boyfriend looked scared. James told me he'd give me that many.

Blink.

I remember the first time, on a chilly summer night James asking me to marry him. I thought he was kidding and to get him home I joked a yes. I was dating someone else at the time. He took me seriously.

Blink.

I remember the first time we kissed. I was scared, heart pounding but he gave me a kiss like no other ever had. It left my lips burning or maybe he ate hot sauce that day. There were definite sparks.

Blink.

Your father used to sometimes go with me to college and wait for me outside of class. He hated doing it, but I loved seeing his face as soon as I escaped the classroom and then we would spend the evening together.

Blink.

The day James asked me to marry him. He took me to the same park that he asked the first time. I got all embarassed and tried to hide myself in him. He told me to wait, got down on one knee and said something romantic and proposed. I said yes with two cops standing close by.

Blink.

Both our college graduations. What a whirlwind! I had officially been to both of my husband's graduations, his high school and college.

Blink.

June 10, 2006. I remember peeking through the corner of the basement steps at my husband walking to the front of the church from the priest's room.

Blink.

June 10, 2006. I remember the expressions we both had on our faces when we saw each other while I was walking down the aisle.

Blink.

The day I asked your father if he was ready to have a baby. We were both driving to work. His expression and him not trying to drive off the road was priceless. He was all for it though.

Blink.

The day I told your father I was pregnant. I went to his car (as we had lunch practically everyday together back then). I handed him two blue booty shoes with bears on them. He looked at me, surprised and humbled.

Blink.

The expression on your Dad's face when he heard your heartbeat for the first time. At that time I had yet to see him as surprised and that happy. His mouth was wide open from the amazement and hearing his child.

Blink.

When we found out you were a boy. Who called it? Not the technician. Your father pointed out and could say nothing but "Boy! Boy! Boy!"

Blink.

The day you were born. Your father was outstanding in coaching me the entire way. You peed on the nurse three times. Both your Dad and I teared up. The last time I saw your Dad that happy was his wedding day.

Blink.

Sorry to add this little one. You pooping on your Dad is a great memory. He took such good care of us single handedly the first week with hardly any baby experience. He was so calm, collected and while he was changing your diaper, you shot out poop and it landed right on him!

Blink.

The first time you smiled was at your Father. It was in Miami in a apartment we were renting for a week.

Blink.

The first time you crawled we were right there with you at your Aunt's house.

Blink.

Your first birthday party. Your Dad bent his head down near you while you were eating your cake and you took both of your cake/icing hands and smeared it all over his face.

Blink.

The amazement and pride I see in your Dad's eye everytime you say "Dada".

***

I know I will have many wonderful snapshots as the years go by and you start growing up to be a kid and then into a man. I love you more then words could ever say. Your Father and I love you and are so in love with each other. You are my world, my every being, my purpose in this life. You are very much loved and just know your Mommy and Daddy are always always here for you.